Banned from zoo.
Again?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
