My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
