I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we're so committed to being not committed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
