I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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