In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
