I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
