they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
