You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
