sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
