I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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