Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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