soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
