Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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