She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
