So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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