the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
