someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
