i don't plan on having that self control this summer
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
