yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
