in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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