Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can text with my tongue
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Operation Purity has been aborted
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
