In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
