I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
