I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
