I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
