the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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