so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
