we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
