I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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