bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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