i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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