Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
