if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
