return my video game
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
