Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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