Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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