I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
