My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
