Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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