I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
