His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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