Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
