you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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