i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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