Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
