I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
