When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
