bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
