here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
