My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
